Five Things That Happen During Every Race

/ Jess

If you’ve ever run a race, chances are you’ve experienced some of the standard race-day highs and lows that most runners can relate to: the bliss of a clean port-a-potty, the agony of missing a PR, that tingly-all-over feeling upon seeing the finish line…

But what about the things that no one really talks about? Those things that happen during a race more often than we care to admit? I’ve run my fair share of 5K’s, 10K’s, half marathons, and everything in between, and there are some things that have happened so consistently that I’m sharing them now: the five things that happen during every race.

1. The Faster Person

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Listen: we’re all running our own race. I get that. The only person you’re competing against is yourself and all that jazz. But it’s only natural to feel that surge of anger and adrenaline when someone who’s been pacing you for the last 5 miles suddenly sprints past you triumphantly in the final mile.

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It’s even more infuriating and ego-crushing when that person is wearing a giant banana costume. Or is dribbling basketballs. Or wearing a Tom Brady mask and juggling deflated footballs. Not that I know from experience.

2. The Bathroom Fake-Out

We’ve all been there. I don’t care how well-trained your colon might be. Even the most seasoned runner knows that bubbling, burning feeling that can only mean one thing:

bathroom

(and if you say you don’t, you’re lying.)

It always seems to hit at like mile 3 of a half marathon that you aim to PR in. But the worst part is when you sprint to the nearest port-a-potty for emergency relief…

bathroom 2

Only to have nothing happen. Nothing!! I’ve lost count of how many times this has happened to me. The intense pressure just seems to build and build with every step, but once I’m finally in a safe place, the urge just disappears as quickly as it hit. I think Kramer called that “missing the window“?

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3. Running Regret

This tends to happen later in a race. The endorphins of a strong start have worn off, you’re long past the last aid station and you’ve still got the final few miles staring you in the face and a blister the size of Texas growing on your big toe. That’s when you say to yourself: “Never again.”

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Even in a good race, this fleeting moment of regret is enough to make me seriously reconsider my own sanity. I paid to do this? To wake up at 4AM on my day off, drive an hour, stand in the cold with a bunch of people I know are faster than me, then run for 3 hours? That’s it. I’m retiring from racing and booking myself a rubber room to roll around in for the rest of my life.

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Bonus Points for knowing what movie this is from.

Until I cross that finish line and the taste of victory is so, so sweet, then I’m all like, “When’s the next one??”

4. Mental Math

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You know exactly what I mean. “OK, so if I keep this 10:55 pace for the next 3 miles I’ll be at an 11:15/mile pace, but can I crank it up for the final 3 mile stretch? 3 miles is from my house to the park and back, that’s not so bad. But really I have 6 miles so it’s double that. That sucks. OK, 6 miles, that’s one loop around town, maybe that’s not so bad.”

Similarly, there’s the phenomenon (please tell me I’m not alone) where the mid-race mania causes all math knowledge to fly out of your brain. Like when my friend once met me at mile 6 of a half marathon and asked me how I was doing as she ran alongside me. “Not bad,” I shouted, “Only 4 more miles, I’m feeling good!”

math 1

She just patted me on the back and sent me on my way with, “It’s more like 7, but you’ve got this!”

I cried for the whole next mile.

5. The Single-Serve Friend

This could just be a back-of-the-packer experience, but I’m putting it on this list. In every race, I tend to make at least one single-serving friend. The “Hi new Bestie, I love your running skirt! OMG how did we never know each other before this moment? OK I’m heading off now so take care, bye-bye forever” friend.

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These are the folks that you meet in the starting corral, or out at mile 5, or in the final mile when you’re both hurting and walking and experiencing the regret I just talked about up there.

Case in point: in my last half marathon, I made a single serving friend with an elderly gentleman who had been pacing me from pretty much mile 6. Instead of feeling anger when he would shoot out ahead of me, I’d use it as fuel and pick up my pace slightly to catch him. Finally, after 6 miles of that as I passed him in the final turn, he caught up to me and thanked me for pushing him the whole race. I had no idea – I thought he’d been doing the same for me! I thanked HIM and we laughed and ran for a quarter mile together, and then I continued on my way. Sure, they’re “friends” in the most basic sense of the word, but Single Serving Friends are sometimes just what you need out there!

What do you think? What things do YOU experience in every race that I left off here? Share in the comments!

18 thoughts on “Five Things That Happen During Every Race”

  1. Never heard “single serving friend” before, but I found one around the halfway point of the Chicago Marathon, and she showed up just in time to keep me sane when I was starting to panic.

    Also, I believe that gif is from “Strange Brew”

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    • Bingo!! Winner winner chicken dinner! Strange Brew, makes me laugh just thinking about it!
      And you nailed the single serving friend thing – they’re those random folks that carry you through the rough patch of a race just when you need them most 🙂 Nice job running Chicago!!

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  2. OMG #1. I swear I have SO MANY race pics where I’m being beaten by someone that is at least 80, or below 10. And when people with strollers (even better, double strollers), I cheer for them out loud – and quietly curse myself because they’re pushing a gagillion pounds and I can barely lift my legs!

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  3. Funny post! I love the single serving friend!! I made one in the last race. She was a tough looking chic, younger than me, tattoos everywhere…. She was walking on an uphill and I said “come on girl” and gestured with my arm for her to come with me. After I did that I had a moment of fear when I thought she might be angry with me. But she wasn’t! She came along, and said she was going to try stick with me! We separated at some point, but it was a nice interlude.

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  4. Very good. So funny but I can relate to ALL of these. I have someone in my local parkrun who nearly always does no.1 to me- every week. It’s crazy annoying but also spurs me on. Oh and the mental math… good God do I do a lot of this mid-run!

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  5. omg dying at all of the gifs… the faster person = the WORST. I actually feel so defeated, so I focus on my race and end up sprinting at the end.. and I have no idea what this bathroom fake-out is, but I DO have something callede the pre-race shits. I kid you not, I go to the bathroom a minimum of 4-6 times before the race even starts.. which makes my stomach feel so empty and I feel like i need to eat another full meal to have any energy to run. #runningstruggles

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    • lmao I am SO with you on the pre-race trots too! If it’s not the bathroom fake out, it’s that, with multiple little trips to the bathroom that leave me feeling hollow lol – GOSH I am so glad it’s not just me that has these random weird issues!!

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  6. Hilarious!! All of those are so true…especially in the last couple miles when you are swearing often out loud that you’ll never do this again but by the time you get your medal and post-race drink your’e already figuring out how to tweak your plan to run the next one faster! I write a similar article on post race celebrations last week if you’d like to check it out sometime…cheers!

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  8. Great post, Jess. I can relate to all of them. My worst example of #1 was when I was passed around mile 6 of a half marathon by a guy carrying a canoe/kayak (I never know the difference)!!! Granted, he was a professional canoeist/kayaker and so he spends all day training. But still!! This guy was carrying a canoe over his shoulder and going faster than I was. WTH!! I tried to keep up with him and I couldn’t. That made me do a serious #3 – what am I doing running if a guy with a canoe is faster than I am. Can I even call what I’m doing running?

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