I don’t want to delude anyone or say everything’s happy slappy when it really isn’t. So here it goes: my knee is killing me. My good knee. The one that wasn’t cut open and operated on last year. It’s the knee that stood strong after its partner was disabled and carried me solidly through the finish line of my half marathon in April without a twinge. Until this past month. It started after a random run in mid-June. A stabby-ache started ust under the kneecap and I would baby it when I wasn’t running, but still the pain returned.
It finally became a thing last week. A hard run early in the week, excruciating pain while walking downstairs at work in platform sandals the next day, and the ankle roll on Friday all culminated into a very bad, no good long run that didn’t pan out this past weekend when I went up to Packanack Lake to join my “marathon machine” friend (I’m sorry if you don’t like the name, Tina, but I’m not changing it) because our long runs were the same distance. In case the knee gave me hell, I brought my bike along. And it’s a good thing I did. Because give me hell it did.
As we got to the parking lot at the end of the first 2.5 mile lap, I tapped out and hopped on my bike. My knee felt much better, but as I struggled up one last hill to start lap 3 on the bike, I hopped onto the downward spiral:
I had 8 miles on the schedule and I didn’t do it. I failed at a long run. And my knee would probably prevent me from getting one in this week. What if it really was injured and I had to skip running for a week or more to let it heal? How would I recover from that in time to run a marathon? Would I have to defer? How humiliating would that be?!! If I talked it up for months and then had to drop out? What a failure. I can’t even train for a marathon right. Millions of people do it every damn year and I can’t even train for 2 months properly without having to quit. Typical, I can’t see anything through to the end…
As I was about to finish 5 miles on the bike, I told myself to suck it up and tried running Tina in as she finished. Instead my knee gave out on me and I hobbled with her back to the car. We chatted for a while, took some selfies on a pretty bridge:
Then she took me out for a great post-run Starbucks trip, after which I drove myself home and cried for the. Whole. Hour. In the car. It was not my proudest moment. I just couldn’t help getting caught up in the fear that it was happening all over again and that I was doing everything wrong. So I got home and cried some more, went to lunch with mom for her birthday, and resolved to call the orthopedist the next day. And that’s basically where I’m at right now. Waiting for an appointment to see where this knee takes me and resting in the meantime. I haven’t run since Sunday and it’s still a bit tender. I’m hoping that a few more days of rest will help it get back to normal and that I’ll be smarter about the rest of my training (I’m even looking into a local running clinic to work on my form), and I’m grateful for everyone who’s offered me encouragement and advice these past few days.
I posted this photo with a little caption about my knee pain on Instagram and was so overwhelmed with positivity from my virtual friends that I cried.
So keep checking back as I post more about how this knee feels, how my training goes, and everything else that’s knocking around in my brain – in the meantime, how’s your training going? Tell me everything and let me run vicariously through you in the comments! 🙂