… but some of you found this blog using some WEIRD ASS SEARCH TERMS.

I was tipped off to this phenomenon a few years ago when I first entered the blogging world. Monica over at Run Eat Repeat made a habit of posting lists of all the random search terms that folks used to find her blog, and there were some head scratchers in there. Fast forward to when I finally had a blog of my own and I decided to see what search terms people were using to find MY little corner of the internet.

Guys, I was mortified.

As it turns out, this search term weirdness is really a thing. And seeing all the terrible things people have typed into a search browser in order to click on a link from MY site is one of the most entertaining and terrifying parts of my blogging life. But I can’t keep it to myself.

Let’s take a look at 2016’s Top Ten Greatest Search Terms (with commentary):

10. sweaty after gym girl

But also, accurate.

9. real mermaid found after hurricane ike

I’m not saying there’s no public record of me BEFORE Hurricane Ike, but…

8. the heat was unbearable yesterday but we had fun in the park

7. ur happy is everything to me

Thank you, random kind person on the internet.

6. hand foot and mouth disease is hell

IT REALLY IS.

5. far side old man weather

Guys, I have NO idea why, but this post is hands down my most popular post of all time. Even 2+ years after posting, it STILL gets daily views, sometimes more than fresh posts I just published that day. I really wish I knew why, but for now it makes me laugh just knowing it’s out there, still getting eyeballs.

4. imma keep it real classy

Of course that term would lead you here. Because I am 100% classy…

3. keeping it sassy

… and 110% sassy.

2. celebrity mom gets head dunked under in pool

Literally NONE of those words are used on my blog in succession. I award you no points. And may God have mercy on your soul.

1. swimcap gagged

YOU GUYS, COME ON. KNOCK IT OFF. THAT’S DISGUSTING.